Disappointed

Disappointed is all I can say about my conversation with Karson's lung dr today. She had the results from his "room air challenges" from the day before yesterday and did not like what she saw. She also did not like the fact that Karson is now coughing a lot and that I told her his oxygen saturation level was below 90 when he was sleeping today and I put on his oxygen.

She would like his oxygen saturation levels to be around 93/94 when he is sleeping. She says Karson is not ready. However she did want me to lower his oxygen from 1/4 liter to 1/8. I guess that is progress. She is concerned that he will start wheezing which will most likely be a sign of another virus. If he starts to wheeze at all the oral steroids will begin again.

When I got off the phone I wanted to cry. Cry because my sweet boy hates the oxygen on his face, he doesn't sleep well, he gets so tried. Cry because I cannot make him better. Cry because I am the one who should protect him from pain and I cannot make this go away. However tears won't fix this. I hope time and prayer will. I hope that my sweet, little baby boy will grow out of this mess and be fine. I hope that I am doing all the right things for him to help him get well.

I try to stay optimistic but sometimes it is hard. It is hard to keeping wishing for a break only to be given a setback. However I remind myself that our situation and our lives could be worse and that I/we will make it through this like we have every other struggle.

I love my son! I want him better and I want him to know I am doing all I can to make him better.