The Boys...

Kamden and Karson had their most recent visits with Dr. Tucker. Both are doing great! Kamden decided to intertain Dr. Tucker and by the end of the appointment for the boys he was calling him Dr. Taco. Thank goodness Dr. Tucker is amazing and laughed about it all.

Kamden weighs 30.8 pounds which is in the 40%tile and his length is 37.5" which is in the 55%tile. I have a feeling he isn't going to be the tallest of my children but he will be taller than Mom so that is all that matters!

Karson is doing great! He is off all of his "asthma" meds and is finally growing and eating!. He is getting up there in his weight which is amazing.. He is now 23.5 pounds (20%tile) and his length is 33 and 3/4 inches (85%tile) and his head is 50cm(95%tile) all those brains he has in there! We could not be more happy with his growth.

Both boys are amazing and I love them to death. I love how much they really love playing together and really love each other. I am blessed!

Amazing

There is nothing more amazing than knowing how faith has made a difference in the life of your own child. I know personally how my faith has helped me get through the most difficult times in my life. I am continually amazed at how faith is helping Bailey learn about death and Heaven. It is helping her learn and cope with the loss of Kenzi. It is helping both of us navigate a road we have not taken but have to due to the loss of Kenzi.

Loss is hard on everyone but no one has any idea how hard the loss of a sibling is on a child until you see it first hand. Our family has had to live with the loss and how Bailey has dealt with the loss since I came home without Kenzi. She has been amazing from the very beginning.

Recently Bailey began asking more questions about Kenzi. Was she born with her eyes open? What does born sleeping mean? Did we see her go to Heaven? Is she buried? Very difficult questions to answer. Some I put off until Kyle and I could talk with her together because I knew that would be easier for me. Kyle is much better at "keeping it together" than I am when it comes to Kenzi and our loss. I cry now as I type these words. Bailey asked Kyle some of these questions and he answered. Today was my day to give an answer and I felt like it was a moment that Bailey and I needed to share.

After religion class today Bailey asked me if she could see Kenzi's ashes. I told her yes. I asked her to come into our bedroom and I took down Kenzi's bear urn from our mantel and told her this is where Kenzi's ashes were. She asked me if she could see them and I told her that they were inside and I could not open the box. I told her I kept Kenzi close and up where the pictures of the kids are. Our mantel holds pictures of our children as babies. Bailey gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Wow! Is all I could think of. She is so amazing and way beyond her age when it comes to dealing with the loss of her sister.

When we were both downstairs we talked more about why Kenzi was not in a cemetery but at home with us. I told Bailey that I wanted Kenzi to always be with us no matter where we lived. I explained to her that my father was buried in Casper and I lived here. She got that.

I am amazed by the strength, compassion and love that pours from my amazing 6 year old daughter. I am blessed to have her as my own and I need to never take that for granted. I love you Bailey!

Updates!

Wow it has been so long since I blogged on this blog! So much has happened in the last three months. Time to update on all of the kiddos...

Bailey is doing great! She loves to read and reads at least one book a week at home. Every day after school she reads for at least 20 minutes, if not more, in her room. She is still swimming and doing great. Our plan is to have her swim on the swim team this summer at our pool. Bailey will continue to play soccer this spring as well. It is hard to imagine that Bailey is already 6.5 years old. Where does the time go?

Kenzi's 4th birthday was on January 23rd. It seems like yesterday that we were getting ready to add another little girl to our family. However her journey was not to be with us on Earth but with God. We miss her so much but are so happy that we are able to honor her memory each year. On December 11, 2010 the Dolls for Daughters and Kenzi's Kidz foundation donated move than 4,100 NEW toys to boys and girls in our community at our first annual Toy Shop. We were also able to donate 475 new dolls to local nonprofits. It was an amazing day! Our family celebrated Kenzi's day with Mass dedicated to her, sending balloons and going to lunch. Kenzi is always in our hearts!

Kamden will be 3 tomorrow! Wow! My sweet Momma's boy is getting so big. He is in the "primary" class at school with the 3-5 year olds and loves it. He is into trucks, cars, SpiderMan, anything he can play with he does. He loves his sister and his brother so much. He also misses Kenzi. Yesterday he asked if all of us were coming to his party and then said that Kenzi couldn't come because she was in Heaven. Made me cry. I have such a sweet, loving, amazing boy. Happy Birthday Kam!

Karson is doing GREAT! I could not be more pleased about how he is doing health wise. He has not been in the hospital for over a year! He is almost off ALL of his meds! No more asthma meds at all. I took him to a new doctor who wanted to take him off all his meds to see how he would do and he started to do great. He had to have tubes for the 3rd time in December but they have actually worked this time. His ears have drained when he has had an infection. He is finally eating like an 18 month old and just today took a bottle of milk with no formula. HUGE difference for us. He is also no longer using a bottle. Tomorrow Karson starts preschool in the toddler classroom. It is exciting but sad. I know I will cry tomorrow when all three of my kids are in school.

Life is still very busy for us but I count all of our blessings! I hope to get back to blogging soon too. You can always see what is going on with Dolls for Daughters at http://www.dollsfordaughters.com/.