Catching Up

I haven't blogged in a few days, if you noticed. =) However I am back tonight. I wanted to post some pictures from the zoo and of our visit with the Easter bunny but those will have to wait.

On Tuesday I took the kids to the mall to get their picture with the Easter bunny. They were dressed up in their Easter outfits and things were going good until Bailey told Kam to lay on the floor and he did - right in line, in his clean clothes for pictures. Kam loves his sister so much I think at this point in his life he'd jump off a cliff if she said so not knowing the outcome. Bailey loves Kam so much but also loves that he will do pretty much what she wants that she might just ask him to jump to see if he would.

Once Kam was off the floor and we discussed how we don't act that way in public, the Easter Bunny showed up. Kam was all to happy to wave to the bunny until it was his turn to sit on his lap. Bailey went right up and sat down, I handed Karson to the bunny and Kam cried. He didn't want to sit next to the bunny. But he did with big tears. They took two pictures and off we went. I seleted the "better" one and got my few pictures and off to get some lunch.

Race home, Kam gets a nap, Bailey gets changed and off to the dentist. Bailey gets a great teeth and a cleaning all in 30 minutes and $120.00 later. Oh well I guess that is what you pay to make sure your kiddos teeth are taken care of.

Bailey has been on spring break and loving that shes does not have to get up and great ready to leave each morning by 8 am. She hangs out with me, the brothers, Suay and Grandma. I am excited to say we (my Mom and I) are taking Bailey to the American Girl Store on Friday and Bailey has no idea. I have to figure out which doll to take for her because we are not going to tell her until we get there. I cannot wait to see the smile on her face. She will be so happy. It will be nice to spend some time with my Mom and Bailey, just the girls.

Kam has been back at school the last two days. He loves his preschool and I am happy that he is going to go mornings in the fall from 8-11 Monday-Friday. I think it will be good for him. He is still working on the potty training. I don't think I have ever seen a kid have to go so much. He doesn't always tell us but he goes all the time. I really hope by June he is totally potty trained but we shall see.

Karson is great. He actaully went all day yesterday with no oxygen. None for his naps and none last nigth. He was up several times because he lost his pacificer and wanted to eat but other than that, he was good. I think I was up more because I am used to being up and I'd swear I'd hear his pulse ox alarm only to get up and see it was at 92. During his first nap today he was down to 88 but his second nap he was above 90. He is now in bed and above 90. I just hope he can stay there. I'd love for him to be off the oxygen, it is coming close to two months. However if this is my only big struggle, I'll take it because it could be worse.

Dolls for Daughters is doing great! Another donation for our bowl a thon from a local nail salon. Sent about 20 more letters today requesting donations for our event to give away. Hope we have some success with getting more donation and 20 teams signed up. We also have more events coming up and more than anything, I'd just love to spread the word and get more people involved. We will need a lot of help in December and that is where volunteers are really going to be needed.

Love the fact my new Fit book arrived today. It is where I log my workouts and what I eat. I finished my last one (12 weeks) and I love the results I was able to track. I also read a great book in the last few days - Look Again, I am reading another called Run Like a Mother and have a 3rd in my car. I love to read and I always have a book on hand. If it is a great book, I find ways to finish it. I am always looking for great workout music and great books to read. I read a lot so I love to hear suggestions. 

Hope tomorrow is a wonderful day! 

77 Minutes and the Zoo

Today was Karson's stomach emptying study. I was not sure exactly what to expect other than I needed to arrive before 9 and bring all of Karson's "eating supplies". I also had to make sure he didn't have anything to eat or drink after 6 am.

Last night was another long night with Karson's oxygen coming out of his nose when he moves to his side. It is fine when he is on his back but once he moves to his side, all bets are off and the pluse ox will got off pretty soon. So between Kyle and I watching a not so nice movie - Last House on the Left I think is what it was called- and the alarm going off there was little sleep to be had at our house.

Karson ate at 5:30 am and then was ready to be up at 6 am. So it was up time, inhaler time, bath time, get ready time. All this was done before 7 am. I got ready and got the older kiddos their food before my Mom arrived so I could go to Karson's apt at PS/L.

Once we arrived and were checked in, Roman was the man I would be hanging out with for the next 77 minutes. Didn't realize it would be that long but it was a series of 16 2 minute photos followed by a 3 minute rest. He asked me if I brought help me with me to hold down Karson and I said "No". I also explained to him that I had a great baby and I thought Karson would do just fine. He then asked if I knew what to expect and I said no. I went on to explain that Dr. Barrios' nurse wasn't that great at her job in my opinion and didn't tell me anything except where to be and when and what to bring. So here we were.

Karson did great! He was tried around 10 am and wanted to sleep but couldn't fall asleep. He was great until number 16 when he was over it. Was crying and wanted to be off the table and in his chair. Roman (who has 7 children ranging from 32 to 7) was fun to talk to about life and children. We left there and headed home to get the older kids for some time at the zoo.

Grandma, the kids and I spent several hours at the zoo today. We had a nice time and the weather was just perfect. We rode the trian and Kam loved it! He wanted to do it "more, more" but we needed to get going. I have some cute pictures that I will have to post tomorrow.

Everyone came home and the boys took naps, Bailey played, Suay came over so I could go to the gym and the store. I think tonight will be an early night for all of us.

On a side note, Roman said our results would be finsihed tomorrow but Dr. Barrios' office won't give us the results over the phone and we don't go back to see him for three weeks. I guess I will request the records myself so I can see what they say. =)

Dolls for Daughters

I could have never guessed that at some point in my life I would have created my own non profit and would be giving back the way that I am. I thank Kenzi for showing me the way and allowing me to make a difference while I honor her. Dolls for Daughters has become one of the best things I have ever done with my life! I am so amazed at what a difference has been made in three years and how my idea of collecting dolls in 2007 has grown into this.

We had a great night last night at Wystone's World Teas and our Ladies Night Benefit Brew. I am amazed at how many people are willing to stand behind DfD and donate back to us. Our donate page continues to grow. Ways to get involved continue to grow.

We have our 2nd annual Bowl a Thon in May and already have two lane sponsors that were lane sponsors last year. It is wonderful to have their support again. I know we will get at least 10 lane sponsors again if not reach our goal of 20.

My heart smiles every time something good happens for Dolls for Daughters. I could never thank my supporters enough. I could never put into words what it means every time someone donates a doll or donates money or gives back. Each time, each way, it is honoring my baby girl Kenzi. It goes to show that one person, one little person, Kenzi can and will make a difference forever.

I am blessed to be the mother of Kenzi! I love you sweet girl!

Boys are Blessings!

Kyle and Bailey went to Vail to ski with Ted and Ava this weekend. It is a great chance for Bailey to see her friend and do something on Spring Break. So the boys and I have done some much needed hanging out. They are both so sweet and so much fun.

Last night I gave them a bath together for the first time. Kam didn't totally understand why I wouldn't let there be so much water but he was able to have some of his own fun after I took Karson out. It is so much easier for me to give a bath or a shower to two of my kids at a time. I would be giving baths for three hours a time if I did them on their own. Plus the kids like to play together.

Here are some pictures I took. I have really tried to start taking more pictures because I don't want to miss some great moments. Plus Bailey has so many pictures that I felt bad for the boys.

My boys - Kamden and Karson in the tub!

I hope that you have some wonderful blessings in your life! I count these two as some of my blessings. I love you Kam and Karson.

GI Follow Up

Today Karson made his visit to see Dr. Barrios. As usual, his nurse acts like she has never seen us before, seems to have no clue as to what is going on and why we are even there. I wanted to say to her - don't you know why we are here? Isn't it Dr. Barrios who wanted Karson to have a swallow study and an upper endoscopy? But I didn't. I told her we were there to follow up on these two items.

When Dr. Barrios comes in he is as friendly as always. Looks over the reports and comments how he has several copies of the same report but oh well. We talk about the endoscopy and how the results showed a little irritation in his esophagus but not place else. He was pleased with this. He was also pleased with the results of the Bronch.

We then discussed his reflux and how he even refluxes up his "solids". It is hard for me to refer to applesauce as a solid but it is. This made him think about having the stomach emptying study done. He said because Karson will reflux food hours after he has had it makes him want to know how long it takes for his food to empty. However he isn't sure what he will do with the results if it shows it takes a long time. He does not want to put him on meds for it at this point because many of them have side effects he doesn't like and I didn't like. He also said he is not interested in talking surgery at this point and I agreed. We both want to take the conservative approach. (Had he said surgery, I would be getting a second GI opinion as well).

He didn't have a copy of the swallow study so he asked his nurse to get those as well. When he had those in hand her reviewed them and didn't want to make any changes to what we were doing. He said he would have his nurse set up the stomach emptying study and I would be back in 3-4 weeks.

The nurse comes in and cannot even say our name and assumes we want to go to Sky Ridge. I tell her that actually I'd like to go to PSL and she acts like this is too much work for her. Wow... Everything is set up for Monday for the emptying study.

Not what I want to spend one day next week doing but what I will do so my son's GI doctor will have an answer on how Karson processes his food. Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. However I am just trying to do the best for my son and make him better. I cannot imagine what it is like to reflux all day long even if it isn't coming out. It comes up - Karson has shown that and I know for a fact it does. It will come up and he will gag and cough come but nothing comes out. I want to find some relief for him that doesn't mean surgery, that doesn't mean a ton of meds but maybe altering how and what we feed him. Just like the formula that he is on is hypoallergenic and ingredients are broken down to their simplest and purest form so they are easier for the body to process and digest. So this does help with his reflux and how he tolerates it. I'd like to be able to help him like "solids" more so the refluxing isn't so bad.

We go back on the 22nd to see what he thinks/says. In the mean time I just hope and pray for the best for Karson and that he doesn't get sick again. That is one of the reasons we will be in Denver this weekend while Kyle and Bailey will be skiing in Vail. Making the best choices I can for my son.









 

2 in 1 Day

Yes I am blogging twice today. =) I just had to do one for Karson and then the other stuff for the day.

My fab web designer has added the Kenzi's Kidz page to our Dolls for Daughters website. Check it out! I am super excited this part of our program is going to be kicked off this year!

Bailey and I played in the snow today. Here are some pictures.

"The snow is too hard"

I can help Mommy!

Our Snowman

A National Jewish Day

Before I talk about our visit to National Jewish, let me start by saying that yesterday Karson was able to be off his oxygen for his pm nap and then at bed time. However about 2 am, his oxygen levels went below 90 to 85/86. Not something I wanted to see but did. So I made sure his pulse ox was on correctly and getting an accurate reading, it was. So now it was time to put the oxygen on. I tried to keep it at 1/16 but that didn't keep him above 90. I moved it to between 1/2 and 1/4 so he would be above 90 and I could try to get some sleep. 

I didn't sleep much at all last night. I think I was worried about Karson's oxygen levels and also worried about his 2nd opinion at National Jewish. I have tried to give myself permission not to feel bad about getting a 2nd opinion but I do feel bad for Dr. Guarin who has done nothing but tried to help Karson. I feel like I am doing something "dirty" but I am not. I am looking out for the best interest of my son.

Dr. Nichols was the doctor that we saw. At first I was not sure of his bedside manner and if this was a great choice for me. He asked a lot of questions about Karson's history and I felt like I should have known a few dates better than I do. (mental note - continue to track everything on his calendar) I gave him the hospital date information, the times he has been on meds, copies of his most recent tests done on the 17th and then his swallow studies. We talked alot about what Karson does now when he takes his treatments, how he works to breath more in the morning than at night and works to breathe some times when he is active. I also told him how I thought Karson was ready to come off the oxygen but he isn't. (Side note - today at nap time his oxygen levels were 88).

Dr. Nichols looked over his records that I provided and seemed interested in the fact that Karson does have such severe reflux and wanted to know what was going on with all of that. I told him tomorrow we meet with Dr. Barrios and that I should have more answers but I think that he will want to do an emptying study on Karson. Dr. Nichols asked about surgery and I told him that might be an option after the study depending on what it shows. He said he would be interested to know what the results were. Since Karson does cough at least once a day when he takes a bottle and sometimes when he eats, he feels that if Karson's reflux were under better control (not that the GI drs aren't working on that) his breathing issues might be a little bit better.

Dr. Nichols and I talked about all the meds Karson is on and my desire to have him on as little as possible but keep him healthily and out of the hospital. He feels that Karson does not need all the meds he is on. He feels that Karson does not need to be on the Singular because he has not seen it make much different and that it can cause sleeping issues. He also indicated he would not have started Karson on inhalers as soon as he had been but that was not something that could have been changed. He does not feel that Karson needs both Alvesco and Symbicort. He would take Karson off the Alvesco and do the Symbicort 2 puffs twice a day because the Symbicort should be longer lasting. He would also take him off the Xopenx (which we are trying to do). I asked him if he thought Karson would have reactive airway disease for awhile and he said yes based on what I have told him and what his reports show. He said they do not like to use asthma as a label because that means that someone has it for life and with reactive airway disease they can grow out of it by 3-5. He also said that if Karson were under his car that he would be on inhalers or an inhaler for at least 12 months and then re-evaluated.

I talked to him about ILD or Interstitial lung disease which I had heard the terms, done some research and talked to a Mom whose son has this. Dr. Nichols does not feel based on Karson's CT scan that he has ILD. He does not show the signs of ILD in terms of issues with his lungs in his CT scan. This made me feel better. He also seemed to know exactly what I was talking about which also made me feel better.

He did say that if Karson continued to need oxygen while he slept that he would want his heart looked at. Not because he feels like there are any issues but because he would want to make sure that Karson is moving air through his heart into his lungs correctly. Just to rule out any heart issues.

I asked more questions and he answered them. He said he wanted his nurse to show me how to give Karson a nasal wash and how they like them to use spacers with infants on inhalers. He said he would encourage me to use the nasal wash on Karson when he is congested. He left and his nurse came in. She was super sweet and showed me how to use the nasal wash. Wow Karson sure had some snot in there - I had no idea. He didn't really like this but he did it. What a great kid. Smiled at the nurse after she was done. We went over the spacer and then talked about what would happen for Karson if we moved his care to NJ.

At NJ Dr. Nichols has a nurse that I can call with questions and a nurse line that is staffed with a nurse all day who can answer any questions I have or if I am concerned about Karson's breathing. They have a 24 hour treatment center that Karson would be able to come to in the event he need some care this would be in place of visiting Rose Medical Center's ER where there may or may not be a pediatric ER doctor on when we arrive. If Karson needed to be admitted he would be sent to Children's Hospital. If he just needed some care he could be there up to 24 hours. I could also call this center 24 hours a day with questions on his breathing rather than calling his pediatrician's office if it is after hours which I do now.

Once the nurse left, Dr. Nichols came back in and asked me what they could do for me. The same question he asked before. I told him I wanted to make the right choice for Karson and that Kyle and I would have discuss where we would go from here. He said that if we changed doctors -which he said he is not in the business of stealing patients - he would changes his meds right away. This would not have a negative side effect on Karson is any way.

Dr. Nichols will type up and send me his recommendations and we can go from there. I am not sure what we are going to do. I like the idea of having Karson off some of his meds. I like the idea of seeing lung drs sooner rather than later when he is sick. I like the idea of the nurses being there all the time. However I really like Dr. Guarin and I feel she has really tried to help Karson.

So I think I will sleep on it. Talk some more with Kyle, talk to Dr. Tucker and make the best decision for Karson.

Wow! What a story right? =) Tomorrow we see Dr. Barrios.

Overload

Today has been a day filled with a lot of information. I have had to gather reports and X-Rays for Karson since he is going tomorrow to see a Dr. at National Jewish. He could be seen there before he could be seen at Children's Hospital. However I hope I am making the right decision with going here verses Children's Hospital.

Yesterday's appointment with Dr. Guarin went well. She was happy with his reports except the fact that the specimen inquiry showed signs of influenza so she gave him an antibiotic for this. So he will be on that for 10 days. She wants to move down his meds in terms of seeing if he can come off the Xopenex. I asked her if he will be on inhalers during the summer months and she said yes. She thinks he will have asthma until he is 3. She hopes he will grow out of it and so do I.

It was his "eos" that showed 2% in the report that reflects asthma and makes her believe he will have asthma or asthma issues past this fall. She also suggested a sweat test to check for CF. This test is just the final stages to rule out any other lung issues. She said she is 99% sure Karson does not have CF but the only way to know is to do the test. I am sure that will be next week.


Dr. Guairn asked if Karson has seen Dr. Barrios and I said he goes on Thursday. She said his pyloris looked enlarged and irritated. After looking at the reports today that I picked up it looks like GI will suggest a gastric emptying study. I wonder what that will be like and how long of a process it will be. Should know more about this in two days.


For now I am super excited that for Karson's nap he was off, yes off Oxygen! He was over 90 his entire nap. I worry about bed time though because he seems to sleep harder at night. We shall see though. This would be great if he could come off and sleep like a normal baby!


I shall post tomorrow afternoon. I think Karson has a skin test after our appointment with the doctor.

What a Day!

I really should wait until I go see Dr. Guarin in 45 minutes to post an update today but I am not sure I will get one done this afternoon.

Yesterday was a wonderful day and our family was able to get outside and get some sun. It was great to have Karson out of the house! I also thought his breathing was doing better and when he finally was settled for the night at 7:30ish, I had his oxygen levels turned down to between 1/4 and 1/8. Well that was shorted lived. I was even excited by the thought he might be able to come off of the oxygen. Well he couldn't stay any higher than 90 and the moment the tubes were out of his nose, he was below and the alarm was going off. I had to move him between 1/2 and a 1/4 so I could get some sleep. He did really well for the night. Wasn't up a lot to eat and slept until 6:30 am. I was very happy for all of us.

Today I met with Dr. Tucker, Karson's main doctor to see what his take was on Karson's medical stuff. I hadn't seen him since Karson's 6 month appointment and I wanted to just talk to him. He looked over all the tests that had been done on Karson and the fact he has been in the hospital - admitted - three times in his short life, plus visited the ER numerous other times. He felt like getting the second opinion was a good thing. He also said National Jewish or Children's - where you can get in the soonest. I have an appointment at Children's on April 26th - their soonest. But National Jewish I can get in this Wednesday @ 9am. So I am doing that. Now I have to get copies of all his reports and X-Rays before then. Oh well, I can fit that in someplace if it means getting Karson in to see a dr for a second opinion. Dr. Tucker said things most likely won't change but that having a new set of eyes never hurt anyone's care. So we shall see.

Dolls for Daughters has its first lane sponsor for our 2nd Annual Bowl-A-Thon. This is super exciting! Injury Finance is sponsoring a lane again this year. We hope to have 20 lanes sponsored and 20 teams participate. This is a fun event that I love doing and seeing families at. I hope our event on Friday is a success.

Kam is home on Spring Break this week while Bailey's is next week. Not the best with timing but oh well. Bailey and her Dad may go up skiing if some friends come into town but not us. With Karson's breathing issues the last place he needs to go is the mountains. I hope to take the kids to the zoo this week or the museum. I am thinking the park today after I get Bailey from school.

I also had the pleasure of reading another wonderful blog by a mother who lost a daughter. Her story reminds me of my story with Kenzi and learning about problems during an ultrasound. I can thank Shana for sharing this blog. Angie also has a book coming out that I hope to read. Check out her blog and her story if you get a chance. It made me cry. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/.

Hope it is a great day for all of you!

Japan Bound

Today I booked our tickets for Japan. Since Karson has had so many lung issues this year we have decided not to take him. So Kyle and Karson will not be going with us to Japan this summer. I am really bummed they are not going and my brother and family will have to wait to meet Karson but we need to do what is best for Karson's little lungs. We feel him not being on planes for awhile would be a good thing.

So my Mom, Bailey, Kam and I will be leaving Denver June 10th and coming back home June 24th. I think this will be such an amazing trip for the kids and I. It has been too long since we have seen my brother and his family. The kids will have so much fun playing and I will have so much fun watching all of them together.

To have the tickets finally bought is huge! To know this is one step closer to our trip is great. Next week the kids and I will go get their passports and then it will just be counting down the days.

Good News

Today I spoke with Dr. Guarin who told me some good news about Karson's bronch. The results showed no lipids or fat in his lung which means he is not asperating when he refluxes. The results did show additional signs of asthma. Since I was on the phone with Dr. Guairn, it was a little difficult for me to hear the name of the results that showed up 2%. It is a low number she said but normally she doesn't see this show up. I asked if her this means Karson will have asthma his whole life and she said no but he will most likely have asthma for a few more years, possibly to age 5. Not totally what I wanted to hear but at least he is not asperating into his lungs.

I know that his GI dr has the results back but they will not discuss any results over the phone. I have a follow up appointment with him on Thursday. So we will know more about Karson's pyloris.

In other news at the Bachus house.... Bailey is still doing great at school. She is reading really well to us and her brothers. She loves school 99.99% of the time. However today she said she was too tried to go to school. I told her that she can thank her Grandma who never let me stay home unless I was sick. So since she wasn't sick, she was sent to school.

Kam is great too. He got new shoes yesterday that he has only taken off to change his clothes and his Diego. He has black and white Vans. He loves them! Super cute..

Kyle is busy with work, traveling...

I am busy with Dolls for Daughters. We are ready to launch our search for the first Kenzi's Kidz family we will sponsor in August. We will be working with Warren Village, a non profit we started working with last year to select the family we will help the children get what they need for a year in terms of shoes, clothes, etc. Up to our budget allows. I am super excited about this. Our website should be adding information out Kenzi's Kidz soon. I have also been nomited for the Outstanding Young Coloradoan Award for creating Dolls for Daughters and the work I have done. The state will then select up to three people for this award. I should know in April if I have been selected. Being nominated is huge. Thank you everyone for your support of Dolls for Daughters and honoring Kenzi's memory. I hope she is proud of what I am doing in her memory. I love and miss her every day but love that because of her I am able to make a difference in the lives of children.

Karson's Day at PS/L

Last night Karson had a great night in terms of sleep. He slept from 9:30 pm until 6:15 am with one bottle. This is HUGE for us. Yes he did get up a few times just wanting his pacifier but nothing like he had been. I didn't know what to do with the sleep. I am so used to getting 30 minutes here, 2 hours there. Nothing like last night. I think my little guy was tried.


Today Karson had to be at PS/L at 11:30 am and could not have a bottle of milk after 7 this morning. We arrived to deal with confusion. Dr. Guarin wanted him to have a CT scan of his lungs before his other two procedures. Dr. Stathos' office had called this morning and told me to tell them we needed to have this done first so they knew. Well there was nothing on his chart or his admit papers. I had to sit on the phone with his office because they scheduled all of this and radiology at PS/L to get it figured out. Since Karson is 7 months old he had to have it done while he was under. Well yesterday when his office called to schedule the CT scan Dr. Stathos' office was told we didn't need to have an appointment. That was not the case.


It all was worked out and we were taken back to the day surgery rooms. It was there that we met Dr. Stathos for the first time. Karson's normal GI Dr was on vacation. Dr. Stathos was very nice and professional. He gave us a lot of information about what would be going on and that he would be looking at Karson from both ends just to make sure he didn't miss anything.

Dr. Guarin showed up and listened to Karson and talked to Kyle about what was going to be done. I already knew because I have spoken to her many times. Kyle had never met Dr. Guarin so I was glad they could meet.


At about 12:30 pm, after finding out that our anesthesiologist was a Gator, we went upstairs with Karson to the CT scan. I left the room before he was out because I was so nervous. I guess he did great. Just fell right asleep. After the CT scan they took him to the OR where Dr. Stathos did his upper endoscopy and "end endoscopy" (just my note on looking at the other end.) Followed by Dr. Grarin's bronch.


Dr. Stathos came out first with pictures of Karson's stomach, etc. He said he thought all areas looked good but that his pylorus, the opening from the stomach into the small intestine, is smaller than it should be. He said it was like 3 or 4 lead points rather than the size of a nickel. I told him that Karson had been seen when he was like 2.5 months old and they looked at this via ultrasound which showed he didn't have pyloric stenosis. Dr. Stathos took biopsies of three different areas while he was in there and will have the information back next week. Karson has is follow up on Thursday so we will know then what they find out and what needs to be done next.


Dr. Guarin came out when Dr. Stathos was finishing up. She said that his lungs looked pretty good. That she did not see any scaring which is good since he had RSV. She also said that his upper right air ways looked a little hazey so she took samples from that area as well. She also checked for all the viruses again since she was taking samples. What Dr. Guarin was looking for with her bronch was to see if Karson aspirates into his lungs when he refluxes. If he does then surgery will be required. If he doesn't then that is good. If there is fat in the samples she collected then that is how we know he aspirates into his lungs. Dr. Guarin should know on Friday what the results are and then we follow up with her next week.


This morning was very stressful because I was so worried about Karson and him being put under. He has been through so much in 7 months that I want him better. Unless you have had a child go under for something it is hard to describe how you feel until you know they are awake.


I hope all of this brings some answers for us and for Karson.

Wow!

Wow what another crazy day. Between appointments, driving kids here and there, melt downs and headaches I am ready for Thursday. Yes Thursday not Wednesday because tomorrow is when Karson goes under and I worry about that. I worry about not being the first person he sees when he wakes up. I worry about having to put him under. I worry about how long it will take and what I will feel like. I know I will be a wreck on the inside and maybe outside. Kyle will be a wreck and won't be fun to be around. So let's hope for the sake of hoping, it is quick and dirty.

To Do List
1. School Bailey, drop off donation, pick up Auction Items, Hang DfD sign
2. Meet Jamie for Kams' speech
3. Meet Plumber to fix sink in laundry toom
4. Take Cats to Vet
5. Grants for DfD (Dolls for Daughters)
6. Goodbye Plumper
7. Kam school
8. Lunch
9. Bailey up from school
10. Kam up from school
11. Get stuff from Target
12. Bailey to church and up from church
13. Biggest Looser
14. Bedtime..

That is the mental to do list that always misses something! Wow! Somewhere in there I think I need a beer! he, he, he

The UPs and DOWNS...

Just when I think things are back on the track they have been, Karson needs some help breathing during the day. His oxygen levels went down again while awake so he was back on the oxygen full time. Then he was fine and then he wasn't fine all while awake. Right now he has no chance in heck getting off the oxygen while he sleeps because the minute he is asleep it goes below 90 so quick.

I talked to Dr. Guarin and she is happy he isn't coughing or wheezing. However since he is working to breath some, he is back on neb treatments rather than the inhaler. Such is life. And I count my blessings because it could be worse but it could be better too.

I want the carefree days of taking the kids to play and not worrying about germs. I want the carefree days of not having to make sure I have oxygen on hand if I need it. I want the carefree days of no meds all the time, not visiting Target every other day to get meds for Karson. I don't want to visit the doctor's office at least once a week. I want my baby to be able to be a 7 month old baby and not worry about all this stuff. I want him to sleep through the night without being upset because something is up his nose. I don't think it is too much to ask.. I do count all my blessings but I'd like a break about now.

Now we wait until Wednesday and the procedures and hope for the best. Hope they can make him better but hope that price does not come with a surgery at the end of it.

I love this sweet boy Karson and I want him to have a normal day!

The Boys Get It...

Just when I think for a minute and believe for a minute that things are getting better, I realize they are not. Last night Kyle and I went to Bailey's school auction. We bid and won her picture that she helped make - in advance she told me I must attend the auction and buy her photo, mission accomplished. We also bid and won Valet Parking at the Cherry Creek Mall for 6 months. I love this. We get 6 months of great parking and help with the kids. I know we won some other things but I didn't win a cute purse I bid on or some great sunglasses. Oh well.  
We were in the middle of the live auction when I texted Suay to see how the kids were doing. Well her text back told me that Kamden has vomited twice and had the runs once. He was now in bed. This was around 9pm. Karson had thrown up ounces for sure and maybe another time because his bed was wet when he woke up from his late nap.


I got my purse, said a few goodbyes, told the checkout people we didn't have time to collect and we headed home for a long night for me. Kyle slept on the floor in Kam's room in the event he got sick again. I would take care of Kars. Kars took some from a bottle and by 11:30pm had projectile vomited because the whole side of his crib and floor were wet. I started to get him up and he vomited again. My poor baby, on oxygen and throwing up!


I got him cleaned up and back to sleep this time in his bouncy chair. Moved his pulse ox and him to the floor of my room so I could keep a close eye on him. He slept pretty well most of the night. Had some reflux and then got a bath when he woke up this morning. Thinking I was in the clear with him and Kam, I went to the gym while Suay watched the kids.

Not too long after I left, Karson threw up again. So now he has not thrown up since 10:45 am. I am now hoping that whomever I pissed off has gotten over it and we can get some sleep around here. Karson sleeps like he is a newborn because of all he has been through. I just hope he will sleep at least 5 hours in a row some night. That sure would be something.

I want my boys to feel better.

I Love My Kids!

The is nothing in the world that means more to me than my children. All four of them! They make me smile when I don't think I can. They fill my heart with such joy and pride that I never knew this is how it would be. I love taking and looking at photographs of them. So here are some of the recent ones I have taken of them. Bailey and Karson.

Kamden after a run in with a chocolate donut!

Smile Sweet Karson! a little drool from teething!

I think I need to wear my hat and golves.

This is why life is so good. Plus I am able to work on my non profit in memory of Kenzi!

Oh What a Night

We already operate on very little sleep in this house - the adults that is - that a night like last night wasn't helpful at all. Karson went to sleep around 8:45 and was up around 11:30 for a bottle. No big deal.

However the moment I climbed back into bed, I heard Bailey and her attempt to call out to us was muffled by what I knew would be her throwing up. Sure enough by the time I made it to her room -not long- she had thrown up on her bed and was doing more. I got her trash and let her finish. I helped her off her bed and into the bathroom. Everyone needs a warm bath @ 11:30 pm. Bailey was really brave and didn't cry this time when she got sick. I told her it was okay to get sick and we would take care of the rest. I let her relax in the bath while I stripped her bed and got the wash going. Cleaned the garbage and Bailey asked "Are you going to clean that out?" I said "Yes, that is what Mommies do". She seemed pleased.

After the bath and her getting dressed, she and Daddy moved to the basement. The very last thing we need is for anyone else to get this, especially Karson. It would be a huge blow to Karson's system if he got the flu. So for now they will be as far away from each other as possible.

Bailey has been sleeping for a short while and has not gotten sick since 4. Every time she tried a little apple juice she was sick again. So I had Daddy go to the store for more bread, bananas and Gatorade.

She will be in the theater room watching movies all day and the rest of us will hang out too.

The Last Virus and Chores

So when Karson was sicker a few weeks back and was seen at the doctor three out of four days, Dr. Guarin wanted to check for more virus and see if he had RSV again - we know he didn't. However he did have another virus similar to RSV, human metapneumovirus. From what I read it is very similar to RSV and has a lot of the same symptoms as RSV. One thing that Karson does not have is a fever when he is sick. And to most people he look healthily and I know when he is sick. I guess that is a blessing of a mother.

Today Kam had a play date with his buddy Alex and they had some fun at Little Monkey Buizness. After that we wanted to try Snooze for lunch - 10:40 am - and there was a 50 minute wait. I could not believe it since it was so early in the day for a Wednesday. So we got pizza instead at Anthony's. Kam wanted pizza and was such a great eater.

I have to say I am so happy that I found a "chore" chart at Target that is working magic on my two oldest kids. I wrote down chores for each of them and then if they do them for the day they get a star in their color. Each of them must do the following to earn a star: brush their teeth in the am and pm, pick up their toys, keep their rooms clean. Bailey must also put her dishes away at breakfast and dinner and Kam must keep his pacifier in his room except at nap and bed time. So far so good. I have had to take away a star from Bailey for snapping her fingers at church and then having to be asked to leave the table. She was really upset.

We give 25 cents for one star up to $1 for four stars. This just started so we might be changing our amounts but so far so good. We will go buy books when they have enough money.

Just Another Day in the Life..

There is so much going on each day I often wonder what to put down in words and what not to. I started thinking about my blog last night at the Jon Bon Jovi concert sitting next to an amazing woman, friend and mother.

Robin is several years older than I am but we have been friends as long as I've known Kyle. When I met Robin she had two boys from her first marriage and her husband had 4 kids from his first marriage. In the 12 years I have known her, the family has grown from 6 to 9. About 8/10 years ago they adopted a daughter who needed a loving family. This brought up and downs but Robin was there. A mother to her own children, her step-children in Utah and her adopted daughter. Then she becomes a "mother" to a brother and sister who have lost both of their parents tragically. When it seems there is no one for these kids Robin and her husband step up and have 9 kids. I am truly inspired by Robin and her willingness to be a mother to 9. How her challenges seem so small compared to what I am dealing with. When I left that concert I was inspired to be an even better mother.

Today was filled with a rush that started at, well was all night long with Karson. I think the longest he went between waking up was 2.5 hours. That was/is good for him right now. He still has to be on the oxygen at night and I am sure he just doesn't like the tubes in his nose. Kids up by 6:45ish. Give Karson his inhalers - we are trying not to use the nebs - Kam up and playing, Bailey up. Bailey does not want to get up, she is grumpy... Oh well such is life these days.

Bailey's out the door by 8:05 and to school right on time. Gym, driving while figuring out when Karson is going to have his procedures, home, Kam dressed, me ready off to the dentist... Home to get Karson for his shots and a drive down south for the apt. Shots, lunch with Auntie Marsha, home to drop him off, get Bailey from school and rest.. Not really but it sounds good. I really was doing work on Dolls for Daughters stuff. Stuff that I am behind on.

Oh and somewhere in the middle of all of that Karson's bronch and GI procedures were scheduled for March 17th. I am nervous about this and I know it will be best for him but he is my baby. He has been through so much. I arrive @ 11:30 am, it starts @ 1pm and they said to plan on 45 minutes for the drs to do their work and then a total of 4 hours @ the hospital. Not my idea of a fun day.

Get Kam from school, home, work on stuff, take Bailey to church, grab a quick dinner and home. Put the living room back together some, wait for Kyle and Bailey. Biggest Looser time. Time to relax...

Oh and Karson gets his first tooth! Yeah! He had been working on it, drooling and today it popped up. Maybe that has been part of the reason he doesn't feel good too. Off to bed for him at 9:30 and now it is about my turn!

I do not think I see a doctor visit in my future tomorrow. Just a playdate with Kam and Alex, the gym, and dance from 4:15-6:15..

Better..

Karson was seen by Dr. Guarin today and she thinks he is doing better since last week. This is good to hear. She is happy he can be off the oxygen during the day but he still needs it when he sleeps. She also said he is ready for the Bronch anytime it can be scheduled with Dr. Barrios his GI dr. I know this needs to be done but I still don't like the thought of my baby going under. She also wants a CT scan of his lungs since he will already be under. So I feel like he will be under for over an hour. However it will be results that we don't have.

After Dr. Guarin's office the boys and I head over to Children's Hospital for the blood work Karson needs. This will be the third and final try. Poor guy did not like it today. And on top of it Kamden was over being taken places, he wanted his pacifier (which I am trying to get him off of) and was ready for his nap. Karson's blood clotted in the third vile so they had to prick his finger and get the blood that way for his CBC. He was not happy and I thought I would cry. All of this before noon.

We finally get home, Karson falls asleep on the drive and Kam won't get out of the car when we get home. Karson wakes up when he gets inside and Kam melts down. I have not seen a melt down like this from Kam for some time. He is so mad at me for getting his pacifier from his room that he screams at me to put it back and then is mad that I turned on his Diego movie. Doesn't want his coat or shoes off. Doesn't want his milk. I know he just needs a nap. Finally after 15 minutes of the struggle, he gives up and goes to my room. I give in, I have to give in. He needs to sleep. He can sleep in my bed. That is where I want to be but Karson now doesn't want to sleep.

So I have one sleeping boy and one boy that is playing. I am off to visit my favorite pharmacy - Target. And some time I hope to get some lunch.

All in a mornings work. However, it could be much worse.

Oh What A Night!

After a long night with Karson sleeping no more than an hour at a time and dealing with this from 7 pm until 11:30 pm, I called his doctor's office. I spoke with them and given that Karson is on so many meds and was fussing a lot, I was advised to take him to Rose for evaluation. At this point Karson had been up since 5:30 am slept maybe a total of 5/6 hours. Not much for a 7 month old.

Our wait at Rose wasn't long to get into an ER room. The crazy people were out there. One guy was screaming F this and F that and I want an F blanket you F nurses. This was from the other side of the ER. Poor staff! Karson was evaluated and given a breathing treatment there and checked for RSV and the flu. Both were negative. Once the respiratory therapist finished with the nasal wash at 2:30 this morning Karson was madder than mad. Then he has to sit through a breathing treatment. He finally gave into sleep after this. He slept for about 4 hours while we were in the ER. This is the most he has slept at one time in over a week. I tried to sleep some but didn't have much luck with the bed there and the crazy guy and his outbursts. The ER dr tole me Karson was already on everything he would add to the mix and that he didn't want to admit him to be with a bunch of sick kids. I agreed. We left at 6 am.

Once we got home I had to sleep. Several nights of no sleep and not being able to take a nap yesterday was hard. I slept until 7:30 ish and Bailey went to swimming with Kyle. At 8:30 I decided to room air challenge Karson and he did great. His stats were 92/93 on room air. I gave him his breathing treatment, his inhalers and oral meds. Then fed him some butternut squash. He loved it! I bet this makes his Aunt Nora happy. Before no time he will be having some of her butternut squash.

Karson napped without his oxygen for about an hour or so and then was up for some lunch - butternut squash, play time and milk. He fell asleep on my chest in our room for about 3 hours. This makes a much happier baby! His stats were 91/92 while sleeping. I hope to keep him off the oxygen all night. However we will see. Now that we have a pulse ox with an alarm, I feel much better with him off the oxygen unless he goes below 90.

This is the pray we have asked for. Thank you to everyone for your support. I hope all continues to go well and Karson gets better. We go back to Dr. Guarin tomorrow.

7 Months!

Karson was 7 months old yesterday. Wow how time flies. He is such a sweet boy who has been through all of it. He decided to celebrate his 7th month birthday by keeping us up every two hours. When he is sick like this, he is up eating every 2-3 hours. It is a killer on the system. However I know when he is better, he sleeps better.

Kam was back at the doctor yesterday and to my surprise, he does not have anohter ear infection. This is great news. He goes back to the ENT doctor in a month to see what she thinks about putting tubes back in.

Karson follows up with Dr. Guarin on Monday and I hope he can go off the oxygen during the day. He still coughs and wheezes so I am not sure he will get off the oxygen or not. But I can still hope and pray.

Loving the spring like weather, the fact our side yard is seeing some progress and life seems pretty good eventhough it is super crazy!

Change is Good

Today we finally got a pulse ox for Karson with an alarm. This is after a three week wait with Summit. I switched home health care companies yesterday and now we have exactly what we need. Wow, so much better! Summit seemed pleased that we were done until I told them that no Karson was not off his oxygen, I had a new home health care company. At that point she became down right rude. Some people..

Karson is doing a little better. His cough is almost gone but he is wheezing. I hope he is doing better on Monday so we can take him to oxygen only when he sleeps. The oxygen makes it hard for him to play on the ground, try to roll around and be a 7 month old. He has had a time but still is a sweet baby.

Kam said the sweetest thing today. While I was in the study he came in here and saw a picture from Christmas that I had of Bailey, me and him. He said "Sissy, Mommy and Bugzie" over and over again in his sweet voice. If you don't know, Bugzie is Kam's nickname and what he refers to himself as any time you ask him his name. It is too cute! He is also very interested in learning to pee standing up. He has yet to do it all the time sitting down but knows when he potties. Not sure about a 2 year old boy standing up to potty. Glad he has his own bathroom in his room!

Bailey might have her first sleepover on Saturday. A friend from school wanted to sleep over tomorrow night but I said no because Kyle and I have basketball tickets and Suay will be here. So we shall see..

The door is now in and almost finished on the side of our house that will lead to our new yard. Tomorrow they pour the first layer of the patio. It should look good. I am getting excited about this project and letting the kids play in the yard all summer! We won't have to go to the park much and I won't have to drag them inside unless it is bedtime because of all the space they will have.

Tons to do with the kids and Dolls for Daughters. We are working on getting passports for our trip to Japan this summer and I worry that Karson won't be going with us or flying anywhere for awhile. I think it is better for his health and lungs if he doesn't deal with all those germs that are found in planes. We shall see. The next flight would be in May then June.

We shall see what tomorrow brings, Kam visits the doctor.

Another Day...

Today started out at 6 am with Karson cooing in his bed. It was his horse cooing but cooing none the less. I got him up, changed, dressed and did his breathing treatment. We went downstairs for some breakfast while everyone else was in bed.

I so wanted to crawl back into bed but I couldn't. I also knew that if I didn't get my workout in this morning, it wouldn't happen. So the day began..

I made Karson some prunes with cereal since he ate so well at his swallow study. He did pretty well this morning. He is such a joy to be around even when he is sick. I am so blessed to have him as my baby! It doesn't get much better than this!

After Karson's breakfast it was time for the other kiddos to be up and ready for the day. Solved the dispute between Bailey and Daddy about a shirt, did the hair, made the lunch and breakfast and worked on bottle cleaning. Quick change into workout clothes, Suay arrives and out the door.

Bailey goes to school, Mommy goes to the gym and the boys are at home. Once I get home I feed Kam and get Karson ready for his adventure to Quest for his blood draw. I was dreading this all day because of how upset he was on Monday. Plus I was hoping they would actually be able to get the blood. Three very sweet women helped, they found a vein in Karson's left arm and went for it. He whimpered for less than 1 second and stopped. He watched them as they failed. Again their needle was too big. The only place that can do it is Children's Hospital.

Home for the boys to sleep.. Wake them up and take them to Karson's doctor appointment with Dr. Guairn. She agrees with me that Karson is not worse but he is not better. He is still on the oxygen and the same meds until at least Monday. She wrote a script for Children's Hospital to draw the blood and do his allergy test. So this will take place soon. We also discussed his swallow study because the results were in. Karson has silent, severe reflux. So this means that he is refluxing more than than I thought. He is still refluxing and spitting up but not all the time. The news is that he will have to have another test from her. He will have to have a sample taken from his bronch after saline is put in to see if there is fat in there. If she sees fat then it means that he is aspirating into his lungs when he refluxes. So this will be done when he is well.

Time for Kam to go to school, get Bailey from school, bring Karson home, take Bailey to dance, get Kam and take him to dance. 6:30 arrive home for the night to new oxygen stuff from a new home health care company. Yeah!

What a day! Tomorrow I don't have to take any kids to the doctor. Not until Friday when Kam gets a recheck for his last ear infection.. I think he is getting another one.

End the Day with a Dream Dinner

Today was another one of those days that you feel like is a Monday and a mack truck hit you before you knew what happened. Karson didn't sleep well last night and neither did we. I think it was about 2:30/3:00ish I moved him from his bed to his bouncy seat and slept the rest of the night on the floor next to him. The rest of the night ended at 5:30/6 am for me.

Karson was ready to be up by 6 this morning so I decided to get a jump on things and gave him his inhalers and his breathing treatment. I got his diaper changed and then got myself ready. I was able to take a few hours to myself this morning to get my hair done. Nice needed break.

Back home by noon to grab Karson and head to PS/L for his swallow study with Robin. Karson has had a swallow study done before when he was about 3 months old. Today he was hungry and wanted to have his bottle not the contrast they were trying to get him to eat. I did not have to hold him down today, there were two techs that were doing that. The interesting thing about the swallow study is that it is live images of what is going on. I was seeing Karson swallow as it was happening. The moved him from side to side and the to his back and then side to side. The doctor decided he wasn't taking enough so they put a feeding tube down his nose. He was pissed. He was crying when they were adding more contrast and that made me cry. Here we were another day of him not feeling well and having people poke him and make him feel worse. This part of the study told us what we already knew, Karson has reflux.

Robin does the part related to seeing if he gags when he has solids. Karson hasn't been much into having baby food. He gags with cereal, peas, sweet potatoes. Today he was performing! He ate what they offered and didn't gag. This is good. Now the kid will have to eat what I give him.

We left the hospital to rush home to get Kam off to school, pick Bailey up from school and return home. Thank gosh Suay was here so she could keep Karson while I did the running of the kids. I got Kamden from school and then went to the gym. Bailey off to church, a visit to Whole Foods and then home to make dinner.

I finished our evening with a dinner from Dream Dinners. I love their food for the most part and am so happy my friend Heather turned me on to this idea. I go once a month and get a ton of meals for us and freeze them. It costs me about $16 per meal and that is three servings. I love to eat at home and would prefer to do that at night rather than taking all the kids out to eat and spending $60 or more.

Kyle and I ate dinner while watching the biggest looser with Bailey. The kids are off to bed, Kyle to the gym and me to bed soon. Tomorrow Karson goes back to Dr. Guarin and has his blood draw as well. I hope they get a vein tomorrow.

Is it Over Yet?

I think today has been one of the longest I have had as a mother other than when I lost Kenzi. It was more than a Monday, it was more than a long, bad day. It sucked!

Got the kids up and ready for the day for the most part and had my wonderful Mom arrive to help me with the boys so I could take Bailey to school and get to the gym. All this before my 11 am dr apt with Karson, my 1:00 pm Dolls for Daughters meeting, then 2:30 Kam to school, 3:00 get Bailey from school, 4:30 get Kam from school and 5:30 pm Dolls for Daughter board meeting.

All seems to go well until I arrive home from the gym, on a Dolls for Daughters call, to see an electrician at my house doing work on the window/door. Yes we are taking out a window and putting a door into our side yard. We thought this would be done two weeks ago but no, today. No warning, not ready but here we go. Off the phone, talk to the workers, move toys from the family room, move everything near the door, move the boys upstairs and get in the shower at 10:15 to be at the dr by 11. Kam says, "Washy, me washy." Okay lets get this shower done!

Did I mention that I had to call our home health care company to get more oxygen and then argue with the lady about why I need another tank on the main floor of my house since I have one in Karson's room. Does she really think I live in his room? Does she really think I'd leave my 6 month old in his room all day awake and asleep while I do stuff with my other kids? Come on!

Out of the shower and ready to leave the house at 10:55 am. Thank gosh Rose Medical Center is just down the street. Find a meter - this should only take 30 minutes max- jump out of the car with Karson in his car seat, oxygen and purse. Decide against the whole diaper bag because it won't be long. I stopped and debated about the diaper bag and grabbed the wipes and a diaper. No bottle, nothing else. No need.

Well my short visit was not that at all. After I arrived to find that they hadn't pulled Karson's file making me think I wrote down the appointment wrong - but I didn't and I wasn't leaving - I sat down for a break. It was a long break/wait. The medical assistant sits down next to me and tells me that Dr. Guairn is running late. Her 10 am is in the room with her and her 10:30 is getting a breathing treatment in the vitals room. It will be at least 30 minutes. My comment back, "I wish I would have know, I live 5 minutes from here." I was at the very least irritated! Karson was sleeping at home, finally. He was relaxed and I had to wake him up, drag him out to sit. Not sit for 30 minutes but for an hour before we saw Dr. Gaurin.

At this point it is noon and Karson was due for his breathing treatment at 11. He is on oxygen and is wheezing. He is active but not himself. Dr. Guarin comes in and listens to him. She gives him a breathing treatment and while this is happening, we discuss what is going on with him and the fact that every time he gets a cold, he gets very sick. He has a new cold since the RSV about three weeks ago. He has been on oxygen since February 7th and was only on it when he slept until last week. So now it is 24/7. She says as long as he is wheezing he will be on the oxygen 24/7. She also wants to test for allergies since we have not done that. After his treatment she waits and then listens. She feels there is some crackling. She orders an X-ray and off to the hospital we go.

Wait, wait, wait. We are then take to the x-ray room. Karson is smiling at everyone, sits up and has his x-rays taken. Back up to Dr. Guairn's office where we will find out if he is more sick than we know and if she will have him admitted to the hospital. Something I am prepared for but do not want. I do not want Karson at the hospital. But it might happen.

His x-ray is clear. However now he will be checked for the flu and RSV again. I have to hold Karson's arms with one hand and his head back with the other. The entire time he is crying, pissed. He doesn't know why I am doing this to him. I am the one who should protect him. I am the one who should be there for him. I am the one who is doing this to him. I want to cry! I feel like the world's worst Mom. Am I or am I doing what is best for my son? I think I am doing what is best for him, I am trying to help him. I want him better.

After this, after seeing him off the oxygen to see his saturation levels and knowing he doesn't have to be admitted, I have to take him for a blood draw. Load us up and walk down there. It couldn't be close because I have my arms full of stuff and wish I had his stroller.

We are taken back into a room after 15 minutes. It is now almost 2 and I have to have Kam to school at 2:30. I have missed my 1 pm meeting but that is okay as long as Karson is well. My Mom comes to the rescue because I cannot take Kam to school, I need Suay at home to watch Karson (if I ever get there) and Kyle has to work. Kam gets to school and I wait with Karson.

The first person looks at his little arms and doesn't think she can find a vein to stick and get blood. I am glad she didn't try if she didn't think she could do it. She goes to get someone else. I am pretty sure that someone else is on a break. 15 minutes later they both come it. The three of us hold Karson while he screams his horse scream and tries to get out of our holds. They find a vein in his left wrist. She pokes, he cries and cries. I look for the tears, they are there. He hasn't eaten since 9 am and doesn't want to eat. I cry. It doesn't work. They tell me they are sorry. I know they are. They have the smallest needle and it is too big for his veins. I have to go some place else.

They call Dr. Guarin to see where they want me to go. They have to call me later so I can find out who is good with infants and has two people on at the same time. I leave the hospital, finally at 2:40 pm. I arrive home at 2:45 pm to give my tired son to Suay to get him to sleep. I get a bottle ready and leave to get Bailey from school at 3 pm.

I get Bailey, I go to Target - yes again! I have to fill a new script for Karson. We wait, we walk around.. We look at the Women's clothes where Bailey tells me "When you are skinny Mommy, well you are getting skinner but when you are skinny maybe you can wear one of those shirts." I wanted to cry. I could wear the shirt she was looking at. I am not fat, I am not the smallest woman there is but really. But Bailey never means to hurt anyone's feelings and I think she has no idea what she is saying and how it hurts, but today it does. Suck it up Mom!

4 pm, pick up a quick snack for me and dinner for the kids at Wendy's, off to get Kam from school to run home and print documents for the Dolls for Daughters board meeting. Arrive home at 4:40 and realize the home health care company has not called about the pulse ox with an alarm and they have not delivered my oxygen.

I call them. "Oh I was just getting ready to call you about the pulse ox with the alarm" is what I hear her say. Mind you I called them before 11 am this morning. You don't need one is what I am told. Your doctor says you don't need one with an alarm. Really? Really? Was this woman at my doctor's office today where we talked about waiting for one. Really? You are just calling me now? "Yes I just got the information from Ellie." Well you should have called me sooner, you should have told me this on Friday when I called. Oh and by the way where is my oxygen? She goes on to tell me it will be there after 5 and it isn't like "your son is out of oxygen, right?" Well lady, my kids and I cannot live in the bedroom of my 6 month old son. Get me the tank tonight and I will figure out the pulse ox with my doctor. I also tell her that her company has the worst customer service I have ever had to deal with. I want to fire them but Karson needs his oxygen.

4:55 pm, change clothes and out the door to the Dolls for Daughters meeting. Get a call from a manager with the home health care company asking what kind of tank I need when I have an "M" tank that is full. Who are these people? Do they not know what they are doing? I know I have an "M" tank. I need a tank that is smaller for my main floor so my son and my other children can be in more than one room in our house. Oh, the tank I need is an "E" tank. Well thanks for telling me. I now know when I call your company that I can tell you what you need to bring since you cannot look at your files for the information.

Go to my meeting! Wonderful meeting, wonderful women on the board... During the meeting the home health care company calls and tells me they cannot find our house. Really? I tell him where it is and he says he cannot read the numbers, no lights are on. I tell him the house is on the east side of the street and north of an empty lot. I call home and tell Kyle to turn on the lights. The guy cannot find the house. The lights are on, he went to the wrong house, the house to the north of the lot. Does the guy not know directions?

Come home and Karson is tried and not happy. Feed him a bottle and put him in his swing. Only to learn that life is busier and Kyle needs to be at work all the time. So much to do there. Both of us need a break. But we suck it up and know we are both doing the best we can for our family and that our kids are all that matter!

I watch some TV to unwind, he goes to the gym. The day is almost over! I hope Karson has some good sleep and tomorrow is easier! Wish us luck!