What a week this has been, well maybe month. Karson had another ear infection the beginning of the month. Last week Bailey had strep and now we are almost on a plane bound for Japan. As I write this, I think of how much I will miss my sweet baby boy Karson. When I said I would go and made the decision to go without Karson, I had no idea how much my heart would ache the night before I leave and I did not realize that the tears would come. I did not think that talking about leaving him would cause me to choke back the tears.
What I do know is that I love my children more than anything else in the world. This is exactly why Karson is better off at home than with me in Japan. His health is much more important than a trip. I will miss his laugh. I will miss the way he smiles and tries to bite my nose while hanging on to my hair and then giggling. I will miss his waddle crawl. I will miss his cries, his wimpers and his smell. I will miss the hugs. I know I will cry tears of saddness as I say goodbye to Karson tomorrow morning. I will cry as I walk away to check in.
My heart is torn between leaving Karson and seeing my brother and his family. It has been a long year and a half. I have missed the calls to my brother every week. I have missed hearing his voice whenever I needed to just hear it. I have missed seeing them so much. So as I write I am also very excited to see all of them - Chris, Nora, Allie, Allysa and Jake. I know I will cry tears of joy the moment I see them. We will have so much fun being together, sharing the next 2 weeks and creating lasting memories for all of us. Moments we will charish the rest of our lives. A trip our kids will remember and a bond that will be created between our children.
It is time to go.. I am leaving on a Jet Plane tomorrow....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
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