Is it Over Yet?

I think today has been one of the longest I have had as a mother other than when I lost Kenzi. It was more than a Monday, it was more than a long, bad day. It sucked!

Got the kids up and ready for the day for the most part and had my wonderful Mom arrive to help me with the boys so I could take Bailey to school and get to the gym. All this before my 11 am dr apt with Karson, my 1:00 pm Dolls for Daughters meeting, then 2:30 Kam to school, 3:00 get Bailey from school, 4:30 get Kam from school and 5:30 pm Dolls for Daughter board meeting.

All seems to go well until I arrive home from the gym, on a Dolls for Daughters call, to see an electrician at my house doing work on the window/door. Yes we are taking out a window and putting a door into our side yard. We thought this would be done two weeks ago but no, today. No warning, not ready but here we go. Off the phone, talk to the workers, move toys from the family room, move everything near the door, move the boys upstairs and get in the shower at 10:15 to be at the dr by 11. Kam says, "Washy, me washy." Okay lets get this shower done!

Did I mention that I had to call our home health care company to get more oxygen and then argue with the lady about why I need another tank on the main floor of my house since I have one in Karson's room. Does she really think I live in his room? Does she really think I'd leave my 6 month old in his room all day awake and asleep while I do stuff with my other kids? Come on!

Out of the shower and ready to leave the house at 10:55 am. Thank gosh Rose Medical Center is just down the street. Find a meter - this should only take 30 minutes max- jump out of the car with Karson in his car seat, oxygen and purse. Decide against the whole diaper bag because it won't be long. I stopped and debated about the diaper bag and grabbed the wipes and a diaper. No bottle, nothing else. No need.

Well my short visit was not that at all. After I arrived to find that they hadn't pulled Karson's file making me think I wrote down the appointment wrong - but I didn't and I wasn't leaving - I sat down for a break. It was a long break/wait. The medical assistant sits down next to me and tells me that Dr. Guairn is running late. Her 10 am is in the room with her and her 10:30 is getting a breathing treatment in the vitals room. It will be at least 30 minutes. My comment back, "I wish I would have know, I live 5 minutes from here." I was at the very least irritated! Karson was sleeping at home, finally. He was relaxed and I had to wake him up, drag him out to sit. Not sit for 30 minutes but for an hour before we saw Dr. Gaurin.

At this point it is noon and Karson was due for his breathing treatment at 11. He is on oxygen and is wheezing. He is active but not himself. Dr. Guarin comes in and listens to him. She gives him a breathing treatment and while this is happening, we discuss what is going on with him and the fact that every time he gets a cold, he gets very sick. He has a new cold since the RSV about three weeks ago. He has been on oxygen since February 7th and was only on it when he slept until last week. So now it is 24/7. She says as long as he is wheezing he will be on the oxygen 24/7. She also wants to test for allergies since we have not done that. After his treatment she waits and then listens. She feels there is some crackling. She orders an X-ray and off to the hospital we go.

Wait, wait, wait. We are then take to the x-ray room. Karson is smiling at everyone, sits up and has his x-rays taken. Back up to Dr. Guairn's office where we will find out if he is more sick than we know and if she will have him admitted to the hospital. Something I am prepared for but do not want. I do not want Karson at the hospital. But it might happen.

His x-ray is clear. However now he will be checked for the flu and RSV again. I have to hold Karson's arms with one hand and his head back with the other. The entire time he is crying, pissed. He doesn't know why I am doing this to him. I am the one who should protect him. I am the one who should be there for him. I am the one who is doing this to him. I want to cry! I feel like the world's worst Mom. Am I or am I doing what is best for my son? I think I am doing what is best for him, I am trying to help him. I want him better.

After this, after seeing him off the oxygen to see his saturation levels and knowing he doesn't have to be admitted, I have to take him for a blood draw. Load us up and walk down there. It couldn't be close because I have my arms full of stuff and wish I had his stroller.

We are taken back into a room after 15 minutes. It is now almost 2 and I have to have Kam to school at 2:30. I have missed my 1 pm meeting but that is okay as long as Karson is well. My Mom comes to the rescue because I cannot take Kam to school, I need Suay at home to watch Karson (if I ever get there) and Kyle has to work. Kam gets to school and I wait with Karson.

The first person looks at his little arms and doesn't think she can find a vein to stick and get blood. I am glad she didn't try if she didn't think she could do it. She goes to get someone else. I am pretty sure that someone else is on a break. 15 minutes later they both come it. The three of us hold Karson while he screams his horse scream and tries to get out of our holds. They find a vein in his left wrist. She pokes, he cries and cries. I look for the tears, they are there. He hasn't eaten since 9 am and doesn't want to eat. I cry. It doesn't work. They tell me they are sorry. I know they are. They have the smallest needle and it is too big for his veins. I have to go some place else.

They call Dr. Guarin to see where they want me to go. They have to call me later so I can find out who is good with infants and has two people on at the same time. I leave the hospital, finally at 2:40 pm. I arrive home at 2:45 pm to give my tired son to Suay to get him to sleep. I get a bottle ready and leave to get Bailey from school at 3 pm.

I get Bailey, I go to Target - yes again! I have to fill a new script for Karson. We wait, we walk around.. We look at the Women's clothes where Bailey tells me "When you are skinny Mommy, well you are getting skinner but when you are skinny maybe you can wear one of those shirts." I wanted to cry. I could wear the shirt she was looking at. I am not fat, I am not the smallest woman there is but really. But Bailey never means to hurt anyone's feelings and I think she has no idea what she is saying and how it hurts, but today it does. Suck it up Mom!

4 pm, pick up a quick snack for me and dinner for the kids at Wendy's, off to get Kam from school to run home and print documents for the Dolls for Daughters board meeting. Arrive home at 4:40 and realize the home health care company has not called about the pulse ox with an alarm and they have not delivered my oxygen.

I call them. "Oh I was just getting ready to call you about the pulse ox with the alarm" is what I hear her say. Mind you I called them before 11 am this morning. You don't need one is what I am told. Your doctor says you don't need one with an alarm. Really? Really? Was this woman at my doctor's office today where we talked about waiting for one. Really? You are just calling me now? "Yes I just got the information from Ellie." Well you should have called me sooner, you should have told me this on Friday when I called. Oh and by the way where is my oxygen? She goes on to tell me it will be there after 5 and it isn't like "your son is out of oxygen, right?" Well lady, my kids and I cannot live in the bedroom of my 6 month old son. Get me the tank tonight and I will figure out the pulse ox with my doctor. I also tell her that her company has the worst customer service I have ever had to deal with. I want to fire them but Karson needs his oxygen.

4:55 pm, change clothes and out the door to the Dolls for Daughters meeting. Get a call from a manager with the home health care company asking what kind of tank I need when I have an "M" tank that is full. Who are these people? Do they not know what they are doing? I know I have an "M" tank. I need a tank that is smaller for my main floor so my son and my other children can be in more than one room in our house. Oh, the tank I need is an "E" tank. Well thanks for telling me. I now know when I call your company that I can tell you what you need to bring since you cannot look at your files for the information.

Go to my meeting! Wonderful meeting, wonderful women on the board... During the meeting the home health care company calls and tells me they cannot find our house. Really? I tell him where it is and he says he cannot read the numbers, no lights are on. I tell him the house is on the east side of the street and north of an empty lot. I call home and tell Kyle to turn on the lights. The guy cannot find the house. The lights are on, he went to the wrong house, the house to the north of the lot. Does the guy not know directions?

Come home and Karson is tried and not happy. Feed him a bottle and put him in his swing. Only to learn that life is busier and Kyle needs to be at work all the time. So much to do there. Both of us need a break. But we suck it up and know we are both doing the best we can for our family and that our kids are all that matter!

I watch some TV to unwind, he goes to the gym. The day is almost over! I hope Karson has some good sleep and tomorrow is easier! Wish us luck!