Amazing

There is nothing more amazing than knowing how faith has made a difference in the life of your own child. I know personally how my faith has helped me get through the most difficult times in my life. I am continually amazed at how faith is helping Bailey learn about death and Heaven. It is helping her learn and cope with the loss of Kenzi. It is helping both of us navigate a road we have not taken but have to due to the loss of Kenzi.

Loss is hard on everyone but no one has any idea how hard the loss of a sibling is on a child until you see it first hand. Our family has had to live with the loss and how Bailey has dealt with the loss since I came home without Kenzi. She has been amazing from the very beginning.

Recently Bailey began asking more questions about Kenzi. Was she born with her eyes open? What does born sleeping mean? Did we see her go to Heaven? Is she buried? Very difficult questions to answer. Some I put off until Kyle and I could talk with her together because I knew that would be easier for me. Kyle is much better at "keeping it together" than I am when it comes to Kenzi and our loss. I cry now as I type these words. Bailey asked Kyle some of these questions and he answered. Today was my day to give an answer and I felt like it was a moment that Bailey and I needed to share.

After religion class today Bailey asked me if she could see Kenzi's ashes. I told her yes. I asked her to come into our bedroom and I took down Kenzi's bear urn from our mantel and told her this is where Kenzi's ashes were. She asked me if she could see them and I told her that they were inside and I could not open the box. I told her I kept Kenzi close and up where the pictures of the kids are. Our mantel holds pictures of our children as babies. Bailey gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Wow! Is all I could think of. She is so amazing and way beyond her age when it comes to dealing with the loss of her sister.

When we were both downstairs we talked more about why Kenzi was not in a cemetery but at home with us. I told Bailey that I wanted Kenzi to always be with us no matter where we lived. I explained to her that my father was buried in Casper and I lived here. She got that.

I am amazed by the strength, compassion and love that pours from my amazing 6 year old daughter. I am blessed to have her as my own and I need to never take that for granted. I love you Bailey!