Sisters Always

There is one thing that will never change in our house and that is the fact that Bailey and Kenzi are sisters. Bailey has known about Kenzi since I was pregnant with her and since Kenzi died. Bailey does not know the "story" of Kenzi and will not until she is much older. However Bailey has a story of her own and it is her story.

Bailey has talked of Kenzi since before she was born. She talked in her little way of the two of them playing and having a sister. As Bailey has gotten older she has talked more about how much she misses Kenzi and how she wishes Kenzi would come back. It took Bailey some time to understand that Kenzi would never come back but just like all of us, she wishes Kenzi would come back. This is by far one of the hardest parts of being a parent to a child on earth and in Heaven. You cannot take away their pain and their grief.

When I first did Dolls for Daughters and told Bailey about it, she wanted to pick a little doll and mail it to Kenzi in heaven. How could I explain to a 3 year old that you cannot get mail in Heaven? I couldn't and didn't. I cried silent tears when Bailey told me this. She wanted Kenzi to have one of "her" dolls. Bailey knew then that Dolls for Daughters was about giving back in memory of her sister.

The past few days Bailey has been talking more about Kenzi. At school they learned about the Day of the Dead and Bailey talked about her drawing a butterfly that was Kenzi. She said she wished that the butterfly would bring Kenzi back to us. Simple, to the point. Bailey wants her sister back. Today on the way home from school, out of the blue, she said she wished Kenzi were here and that she missed her so much. Every time Bailey says this my heart breaks. I cannot make her sister come back and I cannot give her the only thing she seems to really want. What I hope I can do for Bailey is to help her honor Kenzi in Bailey's way. Help Bailey do what Bailey wants to do for her sister each and every year.

Bailey + Kenzi = Sisters